Lost Souls in the Dark

It's the day before Thanksgiving. My pies still need to be baked before we drive to Eugene tomorrow. I have two sourdough boules in their bulk fermentation stage of about seven to 10 hours. Afterward, they still have to be shaped, scored, and then placed into bannetons, leaving them to rise again for two hours. Then the bake. That beautiful stage where the bread is at the most aromatic phase, leaving mouths watering, the heart craving for that lucious, beautiful tangy sourdough bread. 

The two boules I have readying for their bake are Parmesan, spinach, and Everything seasoning. I love those great tasting ingredients together. My youngest daughter and my granddaughter are getting these two boules. Brandy has never tasted sourdough bread, thinking there is a strong, more sour flavoring that she likes. I am giving her one to try it. Her husband, Dan, loves sourdough, so he will eat it if she does not care for it. 

My granddaughter, Jess, and her husband Brandon, love sourdough. They will love their bread, I'm fairly certain. I used to make a white bread that was stuffed with spinach and Parmesan. Jess always begged me to make more each year. Between the sourdough flavor and the combination of seasoning, spinach and Parmesan should create a great tasting bread for them too. 

Terry and I are biding our time until the trip to Eugene. It's a chilly yet partly sunny expectation for tomorrow, so the drive should be good. Our fur babies have "Aunt Mallory" coming to walk them during their solitary stretch of time tomorrow while we are gone. We cannot wait to get there and see our family again. 

We have done our usual today. Walking dogs, petting cats, feeding them all, picking up hair, cleaning the litter box. My life is hair and poop. Loving it!

Our day consisted of the fur babies, work, and prepping our bread for Thanksgiving. Nothing exciting as far as the actual concept of excitement goes. However, the definition of excitement is "Something that arouses enthusiasm or eagerness." So I guess in the truest definition of excitement, I did have an exciting day. 

My fur babies are healthy. Our home is comfortable. I love my husband and he loves me. We are truly blessed. This all excites me. It keeps me enthusiastic and yes, I am eager. Eager to wake up every day to this awesome scenario called life. I guess my day was very exciting if I look at it that way. When examining the days in that definition, my life is exciting. 

I heard our local homeless man last night. He walks the streets of downtown Roseburg talking to himself, very loudly. Last night he stood in front of an apartment door, screaming and yelling. I'm not sure what or who he was angry at, but he was yelling at that door like he meant business. Angry at life in general, I guess. 

I saw him and it made me truly aware of how fortunate we are. Yes, "we," meaning you, me, Terry. If you are on the Internet and are reading this, yes, you are truly blessed. You have electricity to enjoy your time on the net, whether from your home, a friend's home, or even a library. Which by assumption means you are not walking the streets alone, on cold, dark, damp nights. Your mind is well enough to comprehend what you are reading, or at least I'm assuming it is. That's a blessing. Can you walk, talk? Hear? See? You are blessed, my friend. We just tend to take for granted those blessings at times. 

As I watched the homeless guy scream angrily, my heart was drowning in sadness. I thought of the person behind that door too and the fear they must have been feeling. A call to the emergency dispatch would have been in order, but by now I'm certain most of us are aware of this man and his character. Eventually, the lost soul walked further down the sidewalk. The voices inside of him cripple him each day and it's disheartening to Terry and I that something can't be done to help those who suffer. Suffering not only from homelessness, but from his schizophrenic state in which he lives. That private world that I will never understand. His nemesis that drags him into the depths of his hell.

It's times like these that make me fully aware of the blessings around me. Just having Terry in my life is such a blessing. One that brings me pure joy each day. Not only for love, laughter, and the extreme closeness, but to ensure that I won't be alone to maybe suffer from the loss of mind or of health in the future. I will always be there for him as well. 

We do hope that all of you take into account all of these things to be so grateful for. Thankfulness is what this time of year is about, although it certainly needs to be daily, not just one time per year. Bless you all and just know you are cared about and loved. Love yourself for starters. If you learn to do that, your life will intensify with much more joy and love than you can imagine. 

I am learning to love myself. Past life experiences have dropped me to the bottom of the barrel in terms of confidence and self love. My husband is pulling me out of that barrel, slowly but surely, and for that, I will be truly grateful. 

Have an amazing Thanksgiving day tomorrow, readers. Know your blessings. Be thankful you are alive and well in this thing we call life. You are beautiful, just the way you are.