Kisses Over the Rainbow Bridge

 

Well, friends, our Easter weekend didn't begin on such a happy note. Wednesday night, my 17=year-old chihuahua friend, Jasper, began his exit from his life. He fought hard and was persistent to remain in this realm, but alas, after two and a half days, he took his first step onto the rainbow bridge. 

I know my sweet baby is no longer in pain and is without troubles. He is instead running with all of the other fur babies I have said goodbye to in the past, all of them waiting for my crossing where we will be reunited in spirit and love. But, oh, the goodbyes until that time are so difficult. After our long journey together, letting go of his paw until the time we meet again was soul crushing. Anyone who has lost a furry love understands that feeling. 

Terry and our daughter, Mallory, went with me to the crematorium where I had to release his little body to be forever interned in a box in ash form. I was taken into a room where I could spend time saying goodbye to my baby, even though I understand it's only his body and not him. His shell was hugged, kissed, and held for a while, then I returned to where Terry was trying to choose his final resting urn. He wasn't sure what I would want but wanted me to select what my wishes were for my sweet little man. At this point in time, I didn't care. My personal choice was nothing at all, except to take my baby home again, alive. 

Knowing that desire could never come to fruition, I did the best I could in selecting Jasper's final resting place. His ashes will be placed inside a nice, ornately carved box. At least for now. I will have his footprints and his nose print, framed with a small brass plaque with his name underneath. I can't stand the thought of turning in my sweet friend's body and in return will be given a small box. 

I do realize why we do what we do in their death. That understanding does not calm the heart and soul when you have lost one of your best friends. At the time of their passing, nothing makes sense. It is all surreal and sad. My heart will ache for him for a long time coming. We have been through so much together. Relationships, moving, good times and the bad. He took with him all of those memories shared. All of the feelings I spent countless hours sharing with him as if he were a therapist, was all taken with him.  

He holds all of my secrets, my joys I've experienced, my pain, and my soul-crushing moments of having to say goodbye to other loved ones in the past. He knows every little moment of my life, good or bad, from our 17-year existence together. That beautiful, ornery, feisty little soul clutched tightly onto my heart when we first met and has held it tightly throughout time. 

***

My oldest daughter, Dawn, knew of a woman who knew of someone getting rid of a chihuahua 17 years ago. She called and asked if I would be interested. Now, I was not considered a chihuahua lover by any means. Pit bulls were what I owned and raised, not a tiny, yappy dog. But I went anyway to see this two-year-old little guy who was supposedly being abused. Without any thought as to taking this pup into my life, I still had to see what was going on with him, as I am an avid animal lover. 

He was not a pretty pup, at least not to me. A bit awkward and all but I did find him to be playful, always wagging his tail while mingling with my daughters and me. The woman who owned him was sitting in Dawn's recliner, all prissy with attitude. She proceeded to tell us that her nine-year-old son, who was present, abuses the dog. I felt a strong flame welling up in my heart. What in the dog abusing hell is this? You can't teach your son to be kind to animals instead of getting rid of the dog? I looked back at Jasper. Moving on that fire inside of me, I stood up and told her I would take the dog. Are you kidding me? 

The mother of the demon child stood up and suggested her son say goodbye to Jasper. He murmured, "Okay," and began his jaunt towards my new fur friend. Jasper immediately charged at the boy, snarling, and barking. All the hair along his back was standing at attention. This dog was ready to battle. Or should I say protect himself?

The boy backed off and took a few steps toward his mother. I wanted to smack the woman by the end of the meeting. How can you allow that to go on in your home? I don't believe in violence, so the slap was nothing but an image in my mind. Then she had the audacity to tell me she wanted proof that the dog had been neutered. Oh, so you didn't have the dog fixed either, yet you wanted to pass him off to someone else to take care of the issue. You're a special kind of stupid now, aren't you? And how dare you demand any sort of consideration in the matters of having him fixed or any other part of his care. I will not respond to your demands. 

So, I was now the owner of a white apple head and doe head blend of chihuahua, and that was okay by me. As for reporting my dog care skills to that woman, I refused to tell her that I did have the dog fixed. I was not going to give her the satisfaction of anything I did with him after she gave him away as if he were the problem. I'll care for the dog in the way I choose to. We also found out later they had another small dog. I Pomeranian I believe. I have often thought about that poor soul.

Jasper and I had ups and downs throughout our time together but for the most part, we were happy. He had a tendency to lunge for our 60-pound pit bull and border collie mix male, Kiba. What that runt of a dog was thinking, I have no idea. He didn't seem to be concerned that one bite from Kiba's large, muscular jaws and he would be breakfast. This occurred many times throughout Kiba's lifespan, until the old man passed away from old age. Another difficult goodbye and yet another story for another time. I figured Jasper was either rather ignorant or he was quite the warrior. Protecting his mom from the big dog was his life purpose it seemed. Maybe chihuahuas aren't so bad. 

So, here I am, 15 years later, sitting alone and missing my baby boy badly. Even through all my tears, all my knife-stabbing heart pains, I know one thing through all of it. He was my buddy, my confidant, and my fierce protector (or so he thought). Bless his adorable little heart and he will be missed badly.

Until we meet again, sweet boy, just know you sure brightened my life. You made me laugh, cry, and worry, but through it all, I love you. Say hello to Duke, Sam, Cooper, Foxy, Soshi, Toolie Bird, and all of the other fur babies I've loved, and some you have been friends with too. You are free now, so run and play in that meadow of beautiful flowers. Stare up at the sun like you like to do, and soak in those rays. I see you trotting like a boss through the clouds and mist, showing all the rest of the babies who is the king. Keep up that swagger, baby boy!

I do hope you meet daddy and I at those gates when we cross. You, Bella, and all the rest of our past furry soulmates greeting us is what I look forward to when my time comes and I know through intimate conversations, Terry awaits that greeting too. 

We love you. You take with you my heart, our memories, and the knowledge that you changed my life, for the better. That will teach me to never say I'm not a chihuahua loving woman again. With your antics, that goofy smile, and our times together when you made me laugh, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I know, without a doubt now, that such a little soul exudes immeasurable love and that the host vessel does not have to be large to contain all of that love and light. You showed me that and then some. Thank you for sharing your life with me. You were a little pup with a huge personality.

I love you with all I am, Jasper. I'm holding you tightly in my arms tonight, wrapped in your little blankie. It's time I get into life again, to take care of my other babies. But always know you will be at the forefront of my thoughts and my heart. As I walk into the kitchen, I can still picture you in front of me, with that swagger that only you can have. Yes, the tears are still falling and the memories still fresh. It's all part of the love between human and fur baby bonds. 

I love you so much and surround you with love and light. Have an amazing journey my friend. Until we meet up on the other side, show them who is boss and keep impressing the ladies.